Friday, Sep 10th

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Random Thoughts...by the BusyBee

Right and wrong...the good and the bad..Who gets to decide?

Somethings I love about being in USA:

Well, anyone who has lived in India will agree that 'right' and 'wrong' or 'good' and 'bad' are very well defined in the country. At least that was the case 10 years back when I was there as a teenager and to question those and try to switch or step out of those categories was again 'WRONG" :)
Here are some of the rights and wrongs that are taught to us growing up. I never liked and understood them when I was there but once I was away from the country, I just could not relate to it anymore:
rightwrong


Friendship & Dating (Super wrong, specially if you are a girl): Yup! Good girls do not have boy friends. Meeting a boy outside of your home, who is not a friend or rakhi brother...totally out of line. In fact the Delhi government actually launched a sick program called 'operation majnu' where they would lock up couples who were out on a date at Delhi parks. The famous movie Maine Pyar Kiya boasts of a dialogue that says "Ek jawan ladka aur ek jawan ladki kabhi dost nahin hote Prem" and Prem then knows he is in love with the girl. But this is so not true. A boy and girl can definitely be friends..I have had many. I am the living proof :)
Now coming back to boyfriends, don't see what is wrong with that? Indian culture expects a girl to never be with a guy, never date, kiss or touch but then take seven circles around the fire and submit her body, soul and mind to the man she is married to (which may not even be of her choice). That for me is a no no..highly questionable...something I cant relate to or understand.
dosti-shayari-300x280operation-majnu
The fascination with fair skin: India is crazy about fair/gori skin. Again Fair is good, dark is bad is already established in India. I don't know if this love affair started after Britishers invaded India or has existed before that but I know it hasn't diminished. Actresses like Priyanka Chopra star in the commercials that show Saif choosing Neha Dhupia over Priyanka because Neha is fairer and I wonder the message that is being sent to masses. Pick up any matrimonial column and the ad starts with.."wanted a fair, tall bride.." lol
What is the deal with fair skin, folks? Never understood it, and will never be able to relate to it. I am pretty happy with my dark skin and let me say that the confidence that dark is equally good came only after I left India. Isn't that sad?
fair-n-lovely
Kids and their life: I feel like most of the Indian moms are obsessed with their kids. Go to any party or get together and they will not talk about anything but kids. Whose kids got what grades, what are they planning to be..doctor or engineer, are they dating, are they looking for a match...the only idea is to discuss and make decisions for their lives with the help of these strange aunties. If someone's son or daughter is doing a different course or career, these aunties and uncles are quick to dismiss and brain wash the parents even though they may have no idea about it. It is really crazy...there is so much pressure on the kids growing up to not just be best in the class but also be best among the kids from the social circle their parents move around in, that it is ridiculous. The good and bad categories already exist in the sense that doctor and engineering is good and every other career is not good. This is another thing I don't see happening so much when parents in America get together and I really like it that way.

report-cardaunties-advise




Eve Teasing: We all see this everyday in India...the crowded places like train stations or markets are the worst. When I asked my cousin in USA about eve teasing he said he has never heard the term :)
But I have to admit that in 10 years of stay in USA which included living alone, working alone, walking at nights alone, I have never experienced this (yeyyy). In India it is accepted as part of being a female to a large extent unless it goes totally out of hand...no one frets about it. I find that crazy and ridiculous. Once someone I know is a mother of a 4 year old daughter told me that one reason she would want to stay in USA is so that her daughter does not expect eve teasing as part of her everyday life. I don't disagree with that sentiment to be honest. I have no tolerance for it now that I know of a world where it does not have to be a part of my everyday life and existence as a woman.

eve-teasingeve-teasing-2

Freedom: In a way where everyone is free to do what they want, I always felt bound by the rights and the wrongs, good and the bads..and the need to conform to these pre-existing notions. And if you don't then well, you are judged and everyone and anyone feels that they have a right to come and give you a piece of their mind. And who wants to be the topic of next get together to these aunties and uncles, seriously? The idea of personal choices and space did not exist. I never liked not having it before and now after having it for years there is no way I can give it up. Because I have learn t the theory of relativity :)
My theory says that right, wrong, good and bad are all relative. What is good for my friend may just not qualify as good for me and I get to decide that.  The freedom to be able to understand this and make my own judgment is priceless!

Here is a cool song on "Kayda" from film Khoobsurat:

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Things going extinct in India

Things going/gone extinct in India:

Rasna: Papa aa gaye...coffee..papa ko nahin chahiye...chai..papa ko nahin chahiye..well papa only wanted Rasna after he comes back home in the evening :) rings a bell anyone?
The only cold drink available in the market specially if you lived in a town was Rasna. Making Rasna concentrate and bottle them up was a job assigned to my sister every summer. Later Kissan brought in a few drinks but what really took over Rasna was Coke and Pepsi. Rasna is still around but the monopoly it had then is gone.  But I still think Rasna was awesome. Rasna at home meant it was summers and summer meant vacation and fun, thats how I always have associated Rasna in my memories.

i-love-you-rasna1
Watching movies on rented TVs and VHS players :  Summer vacation meant that we could finally watch a few movies..I remember that when i was very little, we did not have a TV and we rented TV and VHS player for a few days and watched the entire quota of movies pending. If cousins are in town for summer, we would have movie nights...and all that used to be soo much fun. These days there are so many movie channels playing random movies..but who cares!!! The local video store uncle would recommend the new movies that are out and are a must watch since there hardly were any promos aired on TV as they do today. On the same note, the movie posters played a key role and indicating the Movie's theme and the actor and actresses in the movie. All that has now changed completely.
mawaali


Chitrahaar & Rangoli on Doordarshan: Something that was not to be missed...no matter what. But we always complained why does it have to be once a week...I still remember how big of a deal it was when they announced that Chitrahaar will now come on Wednesdays and Fridays. It was like winning a lottery. When otherwise in summer vacation, I would sleep till 10 am, I would make sure to get up early so I don't miss out on Rangoli...Sunday mornings.

Doordarshan in general is not the same..the original doordarshan is gone. Doordarshan was about India...it represented something for everyone..krishi Darshan, Nritya ka akhil bhartiya karyakram, Rangoli, Hindi and regional movies, News (that was strictly about news), and social awareness messages (like Ek anek aur ekta). Current channels don't care about anything but TRPs.

doordarshan_logo
Rikshaws: At small places, cycle rickshaws were the only public means of transport. Cheap, non polluting, slow and always available means of transport...but still as if there was an unwritten rule to bargain on the kiraya...rickshaw puller says four rupees and the passenger will always say 2 rupees and ultimately settle down for 3. I have some fond memories of going to school in Rickshaws and getting down with kids to push it (dhakka maro) if we are going uphill on the way.
Although the first time I visited India after staying in USA for a few years, I felt bad for the rickshaw wallas pulling the Rickshaw in heat, rains or winters. (US does make you sensitive to such things). However, auto rickshaws have taken over almost every city and town and slowly Rickshaws are fading away.

rickshaw
Limited Options: We used to get new clothes about 2-3 times a year, had only strictly required number of footwears, limited number of entertainment options, ate only Indian cuisine (that too regional only mostly) at home every day , yes EVERYDAY, took vacations once a year and had even a set routine for summers. And still my parents never failed to tell us that we are so pampered and over indulged.
Today this has all changed...anytime new styles flood the market, kids gotta have it, shoes match the outfits along with accessories (I didn't know what accessories meant until I went to college), everyone has exposure to Indian, Chinese, Mexican and other different cuisines...teenagers fly to Goa to have fun (Thanks to Dil Chahta hai) and have multiple options to entertain themselves with laptops, unlimited channels and games available.
But somehow I loved the childhood I had. Everything was precious, fun and important... and I hope the new generation values what they are getting and cherishes it!

And here are few links to take you down the memory lane:

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Unique India

busy-mumbai Contrary to most of the countries of the world - where noise pollution in public places is very low - perhaps India is one of the few noisiest country in the world. As soon as you land on the soil of other country you can feel a marked difference in level of peace & orderliness on the roads as compared to Indian roads. People simply love making all sorts of noise in India.

Come festival, election, religious ceremony, political processions or marriages the environment is full of deafening noises. The blare of loudspeakers that religious groups or marriage parties use is distressing. In cinema halls too the sound is deafening so much so that charm of DOLBY or DTS music is lost. Elsewhere on streets you hear innumerable noises coming from vehicle horns, animals or hawkers. The din remains high on roads due to drivers honking purposelessly. No one bothers about a good muffler in the vehicles. Many vehicle owners take pride in use of highly disturbing pneumatic horns. Thus driving or walking on roads is irritating and tiring experience.

During marriage seasons and Diwali people recklessly use crackers in the late night  without any consideration for  studying children, patients in the hospitals and or sick people in the homes.   Everyone uses horns freely in 'No Horn' zones like schools or hospitals. Marriage processions on street block traffic and a lot of noise is made by blaring loudspeakers and crackers. The streets otherwise are full of stray animals and dogs making noise of all sorts.

Go to a vegetable market or so called Mandi (in local dialect) every one will be found yelling on the top of his voice for selling his product. There is total chaos.

Such din all round causes high blood pressure, irritability and hearing problems among population. Hearing impairment would not allow one to enjoy finer notes of music or softness of human whisper. Even babies in the womb of mother are affected due to sudden noises and explosions.

Noise pollution in India gets least attention as compared to water and air pollution. There are rules and laws to curb this menace but there is a total lack of public cooperation and will on the part of authorities to implement law. People and enforcement authorities remain insensitive to this problem due to lack of awareness and education. Law makers have always been considering themselves above law in matters of breaking the law. Even the implementing authorities consider themselves immune to rules & regulations. Rampant corruption is another reason why laws or rules can not be enforced effectively in this country.

The number of two and three wheeler traffic on the roads is enormously increasing every year. It is time strict measures are taken to control noise pollution. Educating public - children in particular - in civic sense is the need of the hour.

Kabhi na beete chamkeele din

Hostel DaysWhen I was leaving for hostel the first time and crying inconsolably, my mom said to me, "you will love it there and would not want to come home even on vacations. My hostel life is the best time of my life and soon you will love it too".  She was right as always. Anybody who has stayed in hostel knows that it is one of the best phases on life and those who haven't experienced it have missed out on it in a big way. Here are my top memories of Hostel life:

Dance nights: Dancing in abandon on all kinds of songs until you drop...or the warden comes in banging the door...and u don't need a reason for parties, no one has to be coaxed into joining...everyone is right there and every Friday night is by default the dance night. I remember 'Chunar-chunar' from Biwi#1 as one of hot fav numbers those days.

Group gatherings: Going out for movies, dinners, strolls and shopping in large groups, passing down patties and cold drinks in theatre during intervals from first seat in the row to the last, making seniors pay for food and movies, looking out for each other and being there for each other...the hour long three wheeler ride was just another way of having fun.

Burning the mid night oil: Exam times meant erratic schedules, sleeping during the day and studying at nights, taking turns to make tea or Maggie, working as each other's alarm clocks and encouraging each other and keeping the morale high in general.

Ratings: The first year is all about knowing each other and making friends but it is also about the Philips top ten ratings on the guys in class or seniors. Guys who would rag badly will slowly keep going down the list...it was some fun chit chatting about who likes who, who should date who, giving them nick names and giggling about all the sillyness over cups of tea and coffee.

Doing silly things together: I had most regular facials, oil massages and threading when I was in hostel, some friend would offer to do it for you...complimenting each other's wardrobe, "mangti spreee" to borrow matching accessories when you need those ear rings, friends fussing over what to wear when you have a special day, never having to buy a novel, pep talk when you are upset, mid night surprise birthday party arrangements and friends going out of their way to make you happy every day and every moment...

Canteen: That place has a culture of its own...sharing samosas over hot cups of tea/coffee, criticizing teachers and cracking jokes at each other, banging tables to give back ground music to accompany the regular singers on 'Purani Jeans and Guitar"....rings any bells? Any ex-hosteler would know what I am talking about :)

And that my friends is life in hostel!!! People say that this world if full of evil people but I like to differ...at every juncture of my life, I met wonderful people who enriched it with their presence and a lot of those were ones I met and spent time in hostel with.

Enjoy this song that really brings back fun memories from those day and is my fav:

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Happy Mothers Day

mothers dayMother's day is round the corner and I have been thinking of how to make it special for my Mother...in a way that would communicate what she means to me, how special she is to me. This definitely is a tall order because communicating such intense and deep feelings in action is not easy and as I plan the day for her...I can not help but think the many ways she has shaped me into the person I am...ways I have and still rely on her even though I myself am a Mom today...
A mother daughter relationship changes and grows with time. As a baby, she mothers you, takes care of your needs...as a toddler, she becomes a playmate,  playing silly  games , as a teenager...my mom became a friend with whom I could share my dreams, fears and questions without hesitation and  made me her friend too. I still think and smile about evenings, where she is dressing up for a party to go to and I and my sister are  telling her what to wear..what matches and what not.
There were times when roles reversed...I taught her how to put on compact or do a facial at home, how to make butter Paneer Masala or who is this new actress in the superhit "Kaho na Pyar Hai".
The biggest gift my mom gave us was that she taught us to be independent, confident and have a high self esteem and believe in ourselves. There was no room for self doubt.
But when you are growing up, you don't understand what it takes to be a mom, the love, care, thoughtfulness, selflessness, constant effort to do things right..you dont see all that. There are times we take her for granted...And in spite of all that, she still does what she thinks is best for us along with the comment "You will value this and understand why I did/said it when you grow up". And how true it is.
Today being a mom...I find myself saying to God almost everyday "If I could be half as good a mother my Mom was to me, my kid will turn out okay".  A perfect balance of love and discipline, a perfect example of self confidence and selflessness, a health freak yet a cook dishing out a tiffin to school that friends used to die for, someone who always leads by example, a simple and subtle person who still has managed to convey it all to us...
I just want to say to her today...that there have been times when I have sustained the harsh circumstances only because she was so confident that I will not break and I will come out as a winner...and how could I ever let her down??? There are very few people in life who believe in you in a way that makes you believe in yourself. But that is what Mothers do...I am sure that my feelings are not unique and everyone out there feels the same way for their mom. So devote this one day making sure she knows how much she is loved and appreciated every moment for what she is and make this one day atleast all about her.  Here are some ideas

Go for a pedicure or massage session together: Take her to a Spa and get her pampered for a few hours...who does not enjoy a facial or massage or pedicure? Do it as a surprise...even better. If you live in different cities, get her a gift card and have your dad take her there.

Plan an evening together: Just the mom and you...go for shopping, a hot cuppa there after and may be dinner to her favorite place and talk about things you enjoy.

Breakfast in Bed: Pamper mom with a breakfast tray of her favorite breakfast food in the morning along with cards and flowers..give a jump start to her day. If she is in a different city, you can always use a service like FTD

Buy her a new gadget : An i-pod/MP3 player if she loves music and load it with her favorite songs, computer lessons if she is struggling with her new laptop, a camera if she needs one. And include free lessons (teacher being you) without losing patience to help her learn how to operate that camera or i-pod. Remember how many times she taught you how to spell Umbrella without losing patience when you were 7?

Give her the day off: No cooking or cleaning, no taking care of chores, no buying groceries...give her the day off and let her enjoy this one day as she wants. If she in a different city, involve your dad in the plan and get his help to give her this day to herself.

The point is get her to do what she likes because mom's never give priority to what they want to eat or like to do. Show her that you know her, know what she loves and help her enjoy the day doing that...and here is a beautiful lullaby that would put me to sleep when my mom would sing it.

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